⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: CHILD LOSS
Learnings from a Devastating Family Loss
Sharing so others may avoid these mistakes
In Memory of Archer Sun-Pham (2019–2025)
Dear Community,
Many of you the have watched my son Archer grow from age 3 to 5 through our video calls and shared moments in both an in-person and virtual post-pandemic world. Some of you even witnessed his fascination with 3D printing and how he’d occasionally pop into my TikTok videos to ask about moon phases. I need to share the devastating news that Archer passed away on January 29, 2025, following a car accident.
I’m trying my best to recover and will return to work when I can. Your support during this time means more than I can express. Rather than dwell on the tragedy, I want to share some critical life lessons that this experience has taught me about being a parent and keeping your children safe:
1️⃣ Family and Safety First
When I was traveling abroad with my family, I simply forgot about child safety seats. In the US, I have always had one for the last 5 years, but these safety precautions are easy to forget about. This is a mistake I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.
In tech, we often talk about “moving fast and breaking things.” But when it comes to family safety, there’s no room for shortcuts. Whether it’s properly securing a child’s car seat or ensuring bicycle safety, these small precautions matter more than any deadline or convenience. In a brief moment of happiness during Chinese New Year, carelessness swiftly led to tragedy.
The next time you Google or ask ChatGPT: “What to pack for travel” , be sure to manually include a car safety seat for your toddler.
2️⃣ Time is Our Most Precious Resource
We get caught up in sprints, shipping updates, and building the next big growth features. But remember to step away. Spend time with your family. Take those vacation days. No one ever wished they’d spent more time optimizing algorithms when facing loss.
While I’ve always prided myself on having a successful career, it pales in comparison to the emptiness in my home. I’d do anything to have my son next to me again.
3️⃣ Managing Aging Parents
Many of us are in our 30s and 40s, the “sandwich generation,” which means our parents are aging and we’re caught between taking care of our children and watching our parents get older. While it’s natural to want to keep them involved in our lives, we need to be realistic about their capabilities. I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes the kindest thing we can do is reduce their responsibilities, even when they want to help. Their health and safety should come before convenience or cost savings.
Hire the babysitter and invite the parents over. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Take rests between long trips, especially when you notice that your parents tend to take naps in the day.
Note: These tips aren’t meant to distribute blame. There’s thousands of other “what ifs” that have run through my brain and sometimes fate works in mysterious ways. But writing down some of the important ones will help me heal and learn to accept that the past cannot be changed.
For those who’ve asked how to help, we’ve set up a memorial fund in Archer’s name:
🆘 Please donate and share my fundraiser if you can.
The first 72 hours of a fundraiser are the most important for achieving success
• GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/8905130f
We’re also facing the heartbreaking reality of being older parents who may never have the chance to raise another child. We’re establishing a fund both to honor Archer’s memory and to help us try for another child through IVF when the time is right and we’re both ready. 25% of all donations will support the autism support organizations that helped Archer flourish.
Thank you for being more than just friends and colleagues. Your messages, thoughts, and support mean everything to my family during this time.
Best,
Dan
Honor Archer Sun-Pham: Support Autism Awareness
- GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/8905130f
For those who’ve asked about sending food, flowers, or cards, while we appreciate the sentiment, please don’t as we will temporarily move out of our house to aide in grieving. Please instead share our Fundraiser to more people so it can help prevent traffic accidents for other families and raise awareness on autism parenting.
